Building Friendship with Christ

We began our retreat last week by coming to the foot
of the cross. We brought ourselves before the pierced Christ who gives us life.
It is there that we experience the compassion of God poured out upon us and all
humanity. This week we continue our time of gazing on the face of Christ. 
We take a long, loving look at the reality of Christ who calls us his friends.
He invites us into an ever-deepening relationship of friendship. I encourage you
to read John 15: 9-17 (Online Bible Resource), slowly and reflectively.

This Scripture text is part of the “Vine and Branches” passage in the Gospel
of John. The vine was a rich biblical image that had been used in the Hebrew
Scriptures, e.g., in the Book of Isaiah. When it is applied to the person of
Jesus in this Gospel, it expresses the call to live in communion with him. “I am
the vine, you are the branches.” Jesus is the source of life for those who
remain in communion with him. This symbol of the vine speaks to us about
“connection” – about the critical importance of remaining connected with Jesus.
It is in this context that Jesus seems to surprise his disciples by calling them
his friends. They are not to think of themselves as his slaves, nor simply his
students, but as his friends. He calls them friends because he has communicated
to them what he has heard from the Father. He has shared himself, his very life,
with them. This is a quite significant moment in the Gospel of John and in the
entire New Testament.

This text is part of the Farewell Discourse in the Gospel of John. At this
point in the journey the disciples have been sharing everyday life with Jesus
for some time. They have walked with him, listened to him, conversed with him,
and seen him “in action.” The bond that had been forming between Jesus and his
disciples must have been growing stronger up to this moment. The Gospels give us
only a few “snapshots” of the interchanges that took place between them. We can
only imagine what other events and conversations must have transpired. There had
to be times of confusion, when the disciples wondered what Jesus was all about
and what his teaching really meant. There must have been moments of
discouragement, and words exchanged about this. I wonder if any of the disciples
ever sat down with Jesus and spoke to him about their feelings of
discouragement. There would also have been experiences of deep satisfaction and
even exhilaration, as they stood so close to the One who offered hope to people,
who taught the crowds with such authority, who reached out and touched the
dreaded leper to bring him healing and new life. Now this bond between Jesus and
the ones he calls “friends” will be cemented by his laying down his life for
them. The depth of friendship love that impels him to do this is also what he
asks of them in their love for one another.

This intriguing theme of friendship has been explored by many classic
thinkers in the Christian tradition. One of them is Teresa of Avila, the great
16th century mystic, Carmelite reformer, and Doctor of the Church. Teresa was a
woman of extraordinary strength, courage and initiative. For years she lived a
commitment to consecrated life that she felt was neither very satisfying nor
particularly fervent. When she was 39, she experienced what she called her
“conversion.” From that point on, she resolved to live a life of closer
communion with Christ.

In her autobiography, Teresa offers what is the best description of prayer
that I have ever read. She is technically talking about mental prayer in this
passage, but I believe that her definition is applicable to prayer in general.
Hers is a description set within the context of friendship. About prayer, Teresa
writes, “In my opinion, it is nothing else than an intimate sharing between
friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves
us” (Life, ch. 8).   In my mind, this is a very penetrating
description of prayer. It echoes the words of Jesus about friendship in the
Gospel of John. In another place in her autobiography, Teresa encourages her
readers to gaze on the sacred humanity of Jesus. She says, “The Lord helps us,
strengthens us, and never fails; he is true friend” (ch. 22).  All through
this part of her autobiography, she refers to Christ as true friend at our
side.

One of the distinguishing marks of friendship love is mutuality, or
reciprocity. Sometimes we discover that we love people who do not return that
love to us. The Gospel calls us to persist in love for these people (even for
our enemies!), but this kind of love is not the same as friendship love. For
genuine friendship, there has to be mutuality. Professor Paul Wadell (Saint
Norbert’s College), who has written several fine books on the theme of
friendship, remarks, “Friendship is mutual or reciprocal love in which each
person knows the good they offer another is also the good the other wishes for
them. This [second] characteristic of friendship attests that friends are those
who recognize each other’s love and share it, the exchange of which is the soul
of the relationship” (The Collegeville Pastoral Dictionary of Biblical Theology,
p. 350). Real friendship is grounded in mutual concern and mutual giving.

I believe that we can relate this general characteristic of friendship to our
friendship with Christ. Great people of prayer like Teresa of Avila have
consistently taught us that, when all is said and done, the spiritual life is
much more than just a series of spiritual exercises. It is not a kind of
spiritual “Olympic training.” We certainly need to be active in our life with
God and we need a certain amount of discipline in order for this life to mature.
But ultimately the Christian spiritual life is an adventure of giving oneself to
the Lord and becoming ever more receptive to his gift of self to us. That is the
heart of the matter. This mutual self-giving has many dimensions. One of them is
simply taking the time in prayer to articulate our love for Christ in a regular,
heartfelt way. Another is making ourselves vulnerable enough to accept Christ’s
love for us. You and I are challenged to allow Christ to draw close to us.

I suspect that this second aspect of mutuality with Christ is sometimes where
we struggle the most. I know that this is the case in my life. We sometimes draw
back in anxiety or fear, especially because we are conscious of our own weakness
and sinfulness. At other times we are afraid that Christ will ask too much of
us. We may try to “do a lot” for Christ and “say a lot” to Christ, but be more
reticent about simply allowing Christ to draw close to us. This is one reason we
find it difficult to incorporate silence into our time of prayer. We tend to
fill up the quiet spaces with a multiplicity of words. But if our friendship
with Christ is to grow and deepen, we must allow ourselves to receive from
Christ, as well as give back to him. Our friendship with Christ is meant to be
characterized by a genuine reciprocity.

A few years ago, I spent time visiting a friend of mine who was very will
with cancer. I had known Suzanne, her husband Jim, and their children almost
since the time I was ordained. I had the privilege of visiting their home and
staying in touch through the years. Suzanne was a very lively person who loved a
good joke or a funny story. She had a hearty laugh that you could hear in the
next room. She was also a person of deep faith. She was very committed to
growing in her life with God. Suzanne had a recurrence of cancer that had begun
as melanoma and later metastasized in her lungs and her brain.  She was
able to buy some time for goodbyes with treatment, but it soon became evident
that she was in the process of dying. Her husband invited me to preach at her
funeral, which I found to be quite a challenging task. A day or two before the
funeral, Jim gave me a copy of the last entry that Suzanne had made in her
personal journal, just a little while before she discovered the recurrence of
her cancer. With his permission, I would like to share an excerpt from that
journal entry, because I think it reflects something of what Jesus says in the
Gospel:

This winter has been unseasonably warm and almost snow free. Yesterday was my
51st birthday. It was a difficult one from the aspect of it being my first one
without my mother. I miss her terribly. Although she is not here physically, I
still feel her presence and can hear her sweet voice … so gently and lovingly
wishing me a happy birthday.

Spiritually I have had “an epiphany.” I saw my life in a different light. I
have a new perspective on “the present moment” and my life in general. I have a
better understanding of “the gift of life.” I am filled with joy and gratitude
for the people in my life. I have truly confirmed for myself that the reason for
our existence is to love and serve God. I have felt the love God has for me as
part of all creation. How blessed I am!

My life will be successful, if at its end I am remembered as a loving person
– particularly by my children – and if I have been an example to them to
discover within themselves the love of God, and God’s love for them, and the
need for them to make that love the center of their lives.

These are the words of someone who had become a real friend of God, a friend
of Christ, throughout her life. Suzanne had gained the wisdom and inner freedom
that comes from that friendship. I was particularly struck by the last lines of
her journal entry. Shortly before she realized that her life would soon be
ending, she reflected upon what would make her life “successful.” She recognized
that she would be a success if she were remembered as a loving person and as an
example to her family of someone who had
discovered the love of God and
tried to make that love the center of her life. Suzanne seems to have had her
priorities straight.

As you take the time to gaze on the face of Christ this week, I invite you to
reflect on this image of Jesus as friend. Listen closely to his words: “I have
called you friends.” Do you see yourself as called to friendship with Christ? Do
you envision Christ as friend? Every friendship has a history with significant
moments. What have been the significant moments in your own friendship with
Christ? In what ways has this friendship brought you freedom? Reread John 15:
9-17 and ponder Christ’s invitation to friendship.

Reflection During the Week (Online Bible Resource)

Tuesday – Pray Psalm 121. Relate the sentiments of this psalm to the
words of Teresa of Avila: “The Lord helps us, strengthens us, and never fails;
He is true friend.” Reflect on specific moments in your life when you have
experienced Christ helping you and strengthening you. What were those
experiences like and what did they teach you about your relationship with
Christ? Identify a specific area or situation in your life now in which you need
Christ’s help and strength, and ask him for it.

Wednesday – Read First Kings 19: 9-15. In this passage the prophet Elijah,
one of the most famous friends of God, is frightened and driven into hiding in a
cave. In the midst of his terror, he is instructed to listen for the presence of
the Lord, who will be “passing by.” He experiences God’s presence in “the tiny
whispering sound.” In your prayer today, talk to Christ about the fears that may
keep you from drawing close to him. Ask Christ for the grace of an open heart
and a listening ear. Take a few minutes of silence just to listen to Christ.

Thursday – Read John 20: 11-18. Surely one of the most moving stories in the
Bible, this scene speaks powerfully of the friendship that existed between Jesus
and Mary of Magdala, whom later tradition will call “the apostle to the
apostles.” Mired in grief at the loss of her Lord and Friend, her life is
changed by one word – “Mary”. As the risen Christ speaks her name she recognizes
him and is given hope again. This scene must  reflect many previous
encounters when Jesus had called Mary by name. Christ calls us each one of us by
name. In speaking our name, he relates to the unique person that each of us is.
How have you experienced Christ calling you by name in your own life? In your
reflection and prayer today, recall the liturgy of baptism in which Christ calls
us by name. Ask Christ for the grace to recognize his voice as he speaks your
name.

Friday --  Read John 21: 15-19. This is the famous scene of the
commissioning of Peter by the risen Christ as depicted in the Fourth Gospel.
Some have called this scene the “rehabilitation of Peter.” Having denied Jesus
three times during his passion, Peter is led by Jesus to reaffirm his love for
him three times. From this encounter, Peter is commissioned to shepherd God’s
people. How have you experienced Christ welcoming you home after you have failed
Him in some way? Has your friendship with Christ become stronger through those
experiences? Ask Christ for the grace of deeper insight into your part in the
mission of caring for His people.